9 September 2011 -- You Are Never Too Old For Life Lessons
Life Lesson #4979: If you are going to be doing yard work all afternoon, then a caramel macchiato from Starbucks is not an adequate lunch.
Some time around 4:17pm your blood sugar will plummet into negative numbers, you will have an attack of the vapors while pulling crab grass
out of the garden, and when you regain your senses two hours later, you will discover that you have consumed an entire brontosaurus worth of
meat. Next time, try a sandwich.
Life Lesson #4980: If the caramel macchiato lunch did not work on Thursday, then it isn't going to work out any better on Friday when you are
prepping the house for winter and rearranging furniture in the bedrooms, all of which requires more energy than Thursday's yard work. Don't be
an idiot. Next time, try a sandwich.
Life Lesson #4981: I probably don't have to write this one down. Most everyone knows it. The one thing worse than a paper cut is a
cardboard cut. It's obvious. You've substituted a machete in place of a scalpel, therefore why wouldn't it be worse? The corollary to this is that
the only thing that can make a cardboard cut worse is if you manage to slash a cuticle while attempting to sever your fingertip with that chunk of
carton. Gadzooks. I may require a transfusion. I'm feeling a little faint and need some calories to boost my blood sugar levels. Anyone got a
28 July 2011 -- The Human Race Is Devolving
What is it with drivers these days? Is the entire human race undergoing devolution, regressing to our stupider caveman intellects? I have
witnessed more accidents that were the result of unmitigated stupidity over the last 3-5 years than I have during the rest of my life combined ...
and stuck around to give a statement to the police. I wish I were getting paid by the hour to do this.
I zipped out to run two quick errands this morning. The entire sortie should have taken me twenty minutes. Instead I was gone for over an hour.
Two-thirds of that was waiting for the police to show up at the scene of an accident so I could give a statement. I almost didn't stay this morning,
but the driver who ran into another car was not at fault, and without a third-party witness (that would be me, since I did not see anyone else
stopping), there was a good chance they would have a heck of a time proving that they were not at fault.
Here is where I'm concerned about the future of the human race.
The 'bad' driver (call him Vadar, just to give him a label) was waiting to make a left turn at a traffic light. That direction of travel has three lanes --
left turn, straight ahead and right turn. I was coming from the opposite direction, had to wait through two lights to get through the intersection,
and got to see most of the event. The problem was that Vadar had pulled up beyond the stop line for his lane. His entire car was beyond the
white line, which meant that he was not sitting on the trigger. In fact, he was out into the intersection by an entire car length, forcing at least one
lane worth of traffic to swing wide to get around him, putting them in the way of oncoming traffic. The guy was getting frustrated because he was
not getting his left-turn signal. He had begun to gesticulate and curse. I did not need to hear what he was saying to know he was cursing.
There was definitely some swearing going on in that car.
In the end, Vadar decided to run a red light ... with the kind of results you might expect. He got t-boned. The crossing traffic never had a
chance. Vadar pulled out right in front of them. What makes the entire thing doubly stupid is that there was no one waiting behind Vadar. If he
had put the shift selector on 'R' and backed up, he could have triggered his left turn signal. Instead ... SMASH!!!!
I think the species is devolving, and it looks like Vadar is one of the first to go. He survived unscathed (his car got hit in the passenger side), so
he is not eligible for a Darwin Award.
|Mushroom Patch -- Page 15
July 28, 2011 thru ???
18 August 2012 -- A Gorgeous Summer Night in Vermont
It is one of the first clear, dry, cool nights in several weeks. I mean Vermont cool. It has been very pleasant at night most of the last week, but
the weather has not quite qualified as "good sleeping weather" yet. Based on tonight's forecast, we should hit good sleepin' weather tonight.
The temperature is currently 64°, the air is dry (almost crisp), and it is forecast to get down to around 50° tonight.
Gorgeous. Precisely why I love living in Vermont.
Except for one small detail.
Because the air is cooling so quickly, the colder air is sinking from the hillside just south of here toward where I live. Sinking from a dairy farm ...
where they have been fertilizing the fields ... with liquified cow manure.
The entire house smells like one big cow pie.
Ahhhh, gorgeous Vermont weather. Just don't breathe until morning.